“It takes a village to raise a child.”

I hear this, on average, ten times a day. It seems to have become something people say when they don’t know what else to say.

I’m going to say something really scary that I’ve learned over the past decade or so: the figurative village is not going to just show up anymore.

When the calls for help are ignored. When the family is overwhelmed. When the teacher is drowning because they’re being asked to play the role of teacher, parent, doctor, counselor, case manager, and everything else, all at once, for dozens, if not hundreds, of kids. When the system is so backlogged that the only response is, “You have to wait until it gets worse before we can help.” When the counselor is burned out. When the neighbors close their blinds...and their hearts.

What happens when you are just one person? One person holding everything together with, let’s say, some duct tape and a string.

"the silence of the rest of the world was the loudest thing in the room"

I’ve been in those spaces. I’ve sat in the living rooms of families breaking apart at the seams in real time. I’ve driven home from home visits in tears, unable to sleep, wondering if the kids are home and safe, or out running the streets in the middle of the night. Wondering if what I was doing even mattered. I’ve been the only adult in a child’s life who consistently showed up. I’ve bore witness to the magic that happens when just one person shows up.

Let me tell you, it was not the perfectly written treatment plan that changed things. It was sitting on a curb with kids after a fight and helping them learn how to talk it out. It was really just being there. Not with answers, but with presence. With willingness, not willfulness. With heart, compassion, and love.

Still, the silence of the rest of the world was the loudest thing in the room, or on the street. People said, “It’s not my job,” or, “You’re doing great, keep it up!,” or the best one…nothing at all. And that, more than the broken systems or the hard stories I was part of, was the most heartbreaking part: the way people seemingly convinced themselves it was someone else’s job to care. They could say that because they tricked themselves into believing someone else would come along, so they could be absolved of any responsibility.